Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Lady Jan says good-bye to an old friend

Good-bye old friend.

Mitzi Moodle dog born October 26, 1986 – May 15, 2007

My husband took Mitzi in at 4:15 today and had the vet put her to sleep. The euthanasia cost $52.00, that’s the cost for a pet less than thirty pounds.

At her best weight she weighted about 35 pounds at lest that is what the vet told me when I had her spaded, when she was five years old. Today I think she probably weighed less than 20, she was just that emaciated.

She had gotten to the point were she could eat anymore, I had tried can food but it just gave her diarrhea, so I switched to puppy food that had smaller easy to chew bites. But I think she knew the end was near, and didn’t have the drive to eat to fuel her body anymore.

When the time came it was more a release really she was so wasted, in pain, and confused, it was time to say good-bye.

Last night after my husband had took her out and forgot to bring her back in again while I was cooking dinner. She fell and couldn’t get up. She had been doing a lot here lately, she had no balance and no strength left. After dinner I noticed she wasn’t in her bed and looked for her. I found her on her side in the dirt where there was deep gashes on the ground next to her from were she tried to get up. And she was covered in pine needles and little stinging red ants. I brushed her off took her inside and gave her a bath for the last time.

For the last time I shampooed her using my own shampoo, for the last time I toweled her dry and used one of my good towels, for the last time I cleaned her ears and put ear powder in them, and for the last time I clipped her toe nails.

I told her I was doing all this so it would look like someone cared about her. Not because she wasn’t clean or her toe nails needed trimming, but because she was cared for.

I told her tomorrow she was going to a place where the dogs chase bunnies all day long and never get tired, and in the evening they get the best tummy rubs, and eat the best food and sleep in the best beds. And the next day they get to do it all over again.

It’s hard to say good-bye to a dog that you have had for twenty years.

I didn’t realize that she was that old! Not until we got out the paperwork and looked at it. Good God 20 years? Really, it’s been that long? She was a six-week-old puppy when we got her.

The things I’ll miss about Mitzi?

Sneaking her my pizza bread crust when my husband wasn’t looking.

Getting dog kisses on my toes when she want that crumb that was under my foot.

The way she always cleaned up the crumb mess whenever someone ate something (you’d think she was my doggie maid or something).

And how much she loved my nephew--that was her boy! She was always so happy when he’d come for a visit, and just about live on top of him the whole time he was here, with a very smug look on her face too.

I washed her bedding after my husband to her to the vet. I didn’t go I was a basket case and she was still here! My cat Pookie is sleeping on her old pillow and my husband buried her with her blanket.

Her bowls looked so sad setting in the sink after I washed them.

The last of her food that she could not eat anymore I threw away, and dumped out the water that she could not drink. At the last I had to pour water in her mouth to get her to drink.

It was time for her to go.

I didn’t realize that I would cry so much over that silly dog. But I am.


Sarah Elaine said...

So sorry for your loss. My warm thoughts are with you.

Granny said...

I'm so sorry. Twenty years is a very long time. Of course you were crying.

Hope your daughter is doing okay. She must have been devestated.

Lee said...

A heartfelt eulogy to a beloved mate. I feel your grief, Janice. It is so sad to lose a pet. They are part of who we are. It is so, so sad. I do understand what you are going through and how you feel. I love my pets, too..those now no longer here and the ones I have in my life.

Janice said...

Hi Sarah,

Thank you.

Hi Ann,

Actually my daughter is fine, and I know this is gonna sound terrible but she didn't really like Mitzi.

Hi Lee,

Thank you so much for the sediment.

The really sucky thing is I keep looking for her. I have been checking on her for 20 years, and I don't know if it's a habit or what, but I keep looking for her and she isn't there anymore.

Oh God I'm crying again.

Your Lady Jan~

grannyfiddler said...

i cried too... just reading your post about Mitzi. loving hurts. plain and simple. but we're not much for human beings without it. no shame in crying. it's good for your soul, and grieving is a needed part of healing, dear lady J.

Janice said...

Hi G.F.,

Thank you, and I'm sorry I made you cry too.

Lady Jan~

Lisa said...

Janice, I waited until today to read the blog and it still made me cry. Even though we hadn't had our puppy long it's still so hard. I can't imagine losing Shiloh, our Jack Russell. We've had him going on eight years now. Thanks for sharing your story.

Janice said...

Hi Lisa,

I was hoping that sharing this with you might help you in some way. I cried too when I re-read it. The pain of loss is still there.

You like me have pets in our lives, and dogs some how touch that part that is best in all of us.

They're not human but it sure hurts like losing a person when they die. And like losing any love one the pain will go on for a while. Some times we never really get over the loss.

For a few month after her death I kept seeing Mitzi even though I knew she was already gone, usually out of the corner of my eye, or a image that apears then disapears like in the movies (thank God I'm not doing that any more.

I still think I hear her bark to be let in some times too. But I don't go look.