Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Thursday's thirteen: Never

Today's Thursday's thirteen is a list of "Never" quotes:

1. Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial. - Sydney Biddle Barrows, the "Mayflower Madam"

2. Never say "Oops" in the operating room. - Dr. Leo Troy

3. Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end". Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. -Tim Allen

4. Never kick a fresh cow dropping on a hot day. - Harry S. Truman

5. Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. - G.K.Chesterton

6. Never use while sleeping. - Instruction on Conair hair dryer

7. Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!" - Rita Rudner

8. Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. - Woodrow Wilson

9. Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. - Winston Churchill

10. Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. - John Peers

11. Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. - Geraldo Rivera

12. Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. - Ruth Gordon

13. Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel. - American adage about antagonizing newspaper editors.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Thursday’s thirteen: hardware shopping with a teen

Thursday’s thirteen: hardware shopping with our teenager daughter.

Life is interesting with a teenager. She has a re
al different mindset. We went to the hardware store and looked at tools.

Her dad asked her, “Help me find some nuts and bolts. I just need a couple; they’ll be loose in one of these drawers."

This is her take on tools and hardware.

1. “Why is everything named after a man’s body part, or sound like sex?”

2. “I mean it’s all called ‘hard-ware,’ right? Think about that.”

3. “And dad wants me to find his nuts for him?”

4. “Screws.”

5. “Bolts”

6. “Rod”

7. “Then there are names like Ham-her.”

8. “Screw-drive-her.”

9. “Joint-her.”

10. “Compress-her.”
11. “Fasten-her”

12. “And don’t get me started on power tools,” she warned. Gulp, at this point I was afraid to ask.

13. Next we went to the checkout line, and it was one of those places where you check yourself out. Then she yells, “Dad, don’t go in there your nuts are too small.”
I hate to admit it but I just lost it, I was laughing so hard I was crying. My husband, blushing badly, had to lead me out to the car.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Change of weather change of shoes

We went to Fresno today and picked up my resoled Birkenstock sandals.
I have new soles and they even cleaned them for me too.
*sigh* Now, I'm ready for the summer.

Friday, May 15, 2009

My Birthday

My Birthday is tomorrow.

It seems to come around faster and faster the older I get.

Tomorrow I may let the lol cats throw me a shindig, we'll see what I feel up too.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The lesson from a sesame seed

The lesson from a sesame seed

Don’t worry it isn’t a parable or anything.

My family and I went to Fresno, and ate at the food court at fashion fair mall. We had Japanese and I had sushi. I love sushi, but they were rolled in sesame seed, which like. But like always one seed got stuck in this space I have between two of my teeth.

I tried everything I could think of to get it out. My finger nail, a straw from my soda, sucking liquid in and out between my teeth, and nothing worked.

We stopped at a couple of stores, and soon I forgot about the seed.

Then while I was distracted the seed came out.

How did I get it out?

I did nothing.

The harder I tried the more stubborn the seed got, but when I did nothing it came out on its own.

It seems to me that people (and that includes me) try too hard.

I don’t mean not to give it your all, or even try.

But when you try too hard for too long, doesn’t it seem like you spinning your wheels and get nowhere?

Not only that but you wear yourself out, and don’t want to do the thing; writing, art, whatever your passion is—anymore.

So my reasoning is; you still have to work at your goals, just not so hard that you’re defeating your own purpose.

Have fun.

If your write, write for the pure joy it gives you. If you’re an artist draw, paint or sculpt what pleases you.

Your joy will shine through.

Just remember that sesame seed. 

Monday, May 04, 2009

Bouncing along

* Bounce
This Along! *
The US Postal service sent out a message to all letter carriers to put a
sheet of Bounce in their uniform pockets to keep yellow-jackets away.

Use them all the time when playing baseball and soccer. I use it when I am
working outside. It really works. The insects just veer around you.

All this time you've just been putting Bounce in the dryer!

1. It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them. It also repels

2. Spread sheets around foundation areas, or in trailers, or cars *that are
sitting and it **keeps mice* *from *entering your vehicle.

3. It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don't get opened too

4. It repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when
outdoors during mosquito season.

5. *Eliminate static* electricity from your television (or computer)
screen. Since
Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television
screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling.

6. Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of Bounce.

7. To freshen the air in your home - Place an individual sheet of Bounce in
a drawer or hang in the closet.

8. Put Bounce sheet in vacuum cleaner.

9. *Prevent thread* from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet of
Bounce before beginning to sew.

10. Prevent musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside
empty luggage before storing.

11. To *freshen the air in your car* - Place a sheet of Bounce under the
front seat.

12. Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a pan, fill with
water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-static agent apparently
weakens the bond between the food and the pan.

13. Eliminate odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom
of the wastebasket.

14. Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will
magnetically attract all the lose hairs.

15. Eliminate static electricity from Venetian blinds. Wipe the blinds with
a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.

16. Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sand papering. A used sheet of Bounce
will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.

17. Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of Bounce at
the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.

18. Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or
sneakers overnight.

19. Golfers put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to keep the bees away.

20. Put a Bounce sheet in your sleeping bag and tent before folding and
storing them. It will keep them smelling fresh.
Wet a Bounce sheet, hose down your car, and wipe love bugs off easily with
the wet Bounce.

Quick! bounce this along!
Nothing will happen if you don't, but your friends will be glad to hear
these hints!