Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Thursday's thirteen: Never


Today's Thursday's thirteen is a list of "Never" quotes:

1. Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial. - Sydney Biddle Barrows, the "Mayflower Madam"

2. Never say "Oops" in the operating room. - Dr. Leo Troy

3. Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end". Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. -Tim Allen

4. Never kick a fresh cow dropping on a hot day. - Harry S. Truman

5. Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. - G.K.Chesterton


6. Never use while sleeping. - Instruction on Conair hair dryer

7. Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!" - Rita Rudner

8. Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. - Woodrow Wilson

9. Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. - Winston Churchill

10. Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. - John Peers

11. Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. - Geraldo Rivera

12. Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. - Ruth Gordon

13. Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel. - American adage about antagonizing newspaper editors.

12 comments:

Ella Drake said...

These are great! I giggled out loud over #6. Too funny.

Debra Kayn said...

I can tell you that #4 should never ever be done. I learned that by experience, lol.

Elise said...

Great quotes. The Wilson and Churchill ones were my faves.

Heather said...

*Snickering*

Love number twelve!

Janice said...

Hi Ella,

Try reading the direction on a box of tooth picks sometime it's a hoot.

Hi Debra,

Me too, it was at my uncles farm. I walk way around those things now.

Hi Elsie,

Great leaders can be surprisingly funny, but then again great leader have great speech writers working for them.

Hi Heather,

Yeah, but facing the facts can be disheartening, lol.

Happy TT.

Janice~

Shelley Munro said...

I liked #3. It made me laugh.

Ms Menozzi said...

I'm glad to see that the quiet genius of Rita Rudner is still relevant. :)

Happy TT!
Ciao!

Adelle Laudan said...

LOL Too funny. Happy T13!

Kristen Painter said...

Oddly enough, I went to the same college as Sydney Biddle Barrows...

Paige Tyler said...

Great TT!

*hugs*
Paige

My TT is at http://paigetylertheauthor.blogspot.com/

R.J. Lebeau said...

I'm all for #10 on the list! LOL!

Janice said...

Hi Shelley,

Yeah, good ol' Tim Allen, he's always good for a laugh.

Hi Ms.Menozzi,

Isn't Rita Rudner still doing stand up?

Hi Adelle,

I'm glad you like it.

Hi Kristen,

Sydney Biddle Barrows, really? That must have been interesting.

Hi Paige,

Thank you.

Hi R.J.,

Yeah, I think I've there, lol.

Happy TT everyone.
Janice~