Saturday, June 21, 2008

TWENTY SEVEN LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1 .. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't .
2 .. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4... I used to have a handle on life, but it broke .
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive..
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder .
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe .
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes .
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up!!!!
18... Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken .
24 ..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26 .. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music

8 comments:

Ashley Ladd said...

Ha ha. Good T13, too.

Thanks for the smiles.

Cinderelen said...

Hahahaha! Very funny all 27 of them :D
I liked a lot the 12th and the 6th!
Oh here are some others which are funny like them just to make you laugh! :)

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Too many freaks...not enough circuses.
Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail friends.
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
All generalizations are false. Including this one.
No one ever says, "It's only a game."
when their team is winning.
It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame
A good lawyer knows the law
My lawyer knows the judge
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.


I hope you enjoyed them =)

Gwen said...

Hi Janice.
Thanks for the visit,hope all is well with you and yours.
Enjoyed the 27Lines as a matter of
fact I have been through that divorce!! Ha! Ha!

Gwen said...

Hi.
I'm back just to say sorry for the head ache.
the "Disprin" is on the way!!

Janice said...

Hi Ashley,

I'm glad you like them.

Hi Cinderelen,

I'm glad you like them, and I like yours too.;)

Hi Gwen both times,

Oh you have? That's something I didn't know.

Thanks anyway; I have excedrin for migraine.

Have a nice day everyone,
Your Lady Jan~

megz_mum said...

Hi Janice, I particularly like the ham and eggs one!

Merle said...

Hi Janice ~~ I really enjoyed the 27 lines. No 1 was great and they all were good. Thanks for your visit and I hope you are having a great week also. Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

Janice said...

Hi Mum and Merle,

I'm glad you liked them.

Take care my friends,
Lady Jan~